6/21/11

I had breakdown number 2 tonight.  After a day of trying to be happy typing charts into a computer for hours, I came home exhausted and cranky, and nothing seemed to get me out of my funk.  I had a good vegetable stew prepared by Dani, with real vegetables, and even some garlic.  I had a small nap, a small drink, and was going to try to shower and get to bed early and try fresh tomorrow.  But then, naked, and covered in soap and cold water, the shower decided to just quit.  I just stood there and sobbed for a solid five minutes.  It’s the same stuff as last time.  I hate working on a computer for pretty much no great reason, I hate the food, I miss my home, I miss my job, and I’m sick of trying to enjoy it here for other people.  I really have loved some parts.  But between the not working shower, my hundreds of ugly mosquito bites, the constant state of awkward, my dirty hair, my lack of effectiveness, and my greasy face, I just want to be at home doing a job I love (some days), with people I love, and a life that genuinely makes me happy.  What’s the point of staying, when I have that to come home to, and I’ve already had some good experiences?  I’m sure I’ll wake up tomorrow and feel differently, just like last time, but we shall see.

Here’s my list.  I’m thankful...
1. for roommates who perk me up when they’re feeling down, too.
2. for green beans.  They exist here!
3. for ITunes.  I’ve enjoyed some random music this evening. 

Goodnight my loves!